Money Manners: ‘My older children still expect me to pay for everything’

Money Manners is 9honey Money’s weekly column that deals with money etiquette matters that can be the cause of many an awkward encounter.

Submit your Money Manners questions to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au

This week’s question comes via a 9honey reader whose older children aren’t contributing financially.

Dilemma: ‘My older children still expect me to pay for everything’

I have three children aged in their teens and twenties. They all have their own sources of income from small jobs etc, but still expect me to pay for everything.

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They also all still live with me, which I like, but it is expensive.

I haven’t asked them to contribute to the rent or bills or anything, but I do think they should pay for their own makeup, clothes, hair cuts etc. But I’m not sure how to approach this and which costs are reasonable.

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Advice: ‘No parents I know dream of raising a ‘kidult”

Lacey Filipich of Money School warns against raising a ‘kidult’, which she describes as “an adult child who still depends on their parents for living costs”.

“But you’ll find yourself with one, or three in this case, if you don’t set some clear expectations,” she says.

“Ideally you set these expectations early, before the child starts earning an income from any causal or part-time work in their teens, but if that hasn’t happened I have good news: it’s never too late,” Filipich advises.

“It’s essential to let kids learn to manage their money themselves, so you’re about to give them some critical life lessons for which they will eventually be grateful (I hope!).

“The sooner you do it, the better.”

Filipich sets out some ground rules that could be discussed at a family meeting:

1. Once you start earning money – whether you’re studying or not – you start becoming responsible for some (or all) of your discretionary spending.

Whether that’s non-school-related clothes, entertainment, make-up, eating out or catching a ride-share when you could have caught public transport, paying for those comes out of the child’s wages, not the parent’s pocket.

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2. While kids are studying, parents might prefer to cover the basics (food, housing, public transport). But plenty of families expect children to contribute board once they finish high school.

A token amount of $50 a week might be a starting point, and you could increase it for the older ones. You certainly wouldn’t be alone in setting that expectation.

“Every family is different, so you need to decide what works for you,” she says.

“But I can say you will do your children a disservice if you don’t start nudging them towards being accountable for their own money.

There’s no better way to learn than with real money they earned themselves, and there’s no time like the present. Wishing you all the best with it!”

Lacey Filipich from Money School has also shared her advice for women of all ages who are hoping to improve their financial futures. Read her advice here.

The information provided on this website is general in nature only and does not constitute personal financial advice. The information has been prepared without taking into account your personal objectives, financial situation or needs. Before acting on any information on this website you should consider the appropriateness of the information having regard to your objectives, financial situation and needs.

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