Mum’s dilemma over splitting cost of child’s birthday party with ex after separation | Money Manners

Money Manners is 9honey Money’s weekly column that deals with money etiquette matters that can be the cause of many an awkward encounter. Submit your Money Manners questions to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au

This week’s question comes from a 9honey reader and deals with a common co-parenting challenge following divorce.

Dilemma: “How do I split my daughter’s birthday costs with my ex?’

My daughter is turning 16 in a couple of months and I want to try and make it really special for her.

Her dad and I divorced a few years ago and we’ve both re-partnered. We haven’t always gotten along, but lately we’ve been trying harder to come together for our kids.

I want to invite him and his new partner to a party I am hosting for our daughter in the home I just moved into with my new partner.

I am hoping my ex and I can split the costs and come together for the kids.

This feels like the right thing to do, but one of my friends said we should host separate parties instead, and that it will be ‘weird’ and ‘awkward’.

I’m also not sure how to split the costs.

Any advice?

Advice: ‘You might need to compromise’

Couple’s therapist Melissa Ferrari has weight in on this one for 9honey Money. She explained it’s important to “consider what is fair and just for you both”.

“It’s great that you and your ex-partner are trying harder for your kids,” Ferrari said.

“These types of situations are difficult to deal with after a divorce. One approach that may be helpful is to consider what is fair and just for both of you.

“If you want your ex-partner to pay for half of the birthday party, you may need to make him and his partner co-hosts.

“Otherwise, it may be best to just invite them and pay for it yourself.

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“To help him feel like he has a role in the decision-making process, present him with both scenarios and let him choose.”

“Your friend is right that it may be weird and awkward, but it’s important to model maturity for your children,” Ferrari continued.

“If you can successfully pull this off with respect and goodwill, you’ll show your child that negotiation is possible through collaboration, fairness, and respect.

“She also gets to experience her birthday party with both parents present.

“I also think consulting with your daughter would be useful so that she feels she has some input, too.”

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