Who is Mel Robbins, explained: Everything to know about ‘The Let Them Theory’ author Mel Robbins and the movement that sparked it all

“Let them” – they are two words devotees of author Mel Robbins say will change your life.

Robbins, a US-born lawyer who became a self-help guru, was already in demand as a public speaker, talk show host and podcaster when she first used the phrase in an Instagram post.

Since then, she has written The New York Times best-selling book on the subject and counts Oprah Winfrey among her legion of fans.

And it all began with a 2011 TED Talk.

Watch video above.

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Who is Mel Robbins?

Mel Robbins was born in the US state of Missouri on October 6, 1968, but grew up in Michigan. She attended the Ivy-league Dartmouth College, before heading to law school in Boston.

She then worked as a criminal defense attorney before joining Legal Aid in New York, and later became a legal analyst on CNN.

She became the host of a syndicated radio talk show devoted to helping people who were ‘stuck’ in their life.

Then in 2011, Robbins – who is not related to that other self-help guru, Anthony Robbins – published her first book, Stop Saying You’re Fine: Discover a More Powerful You.

Hitting rock bottom – and that TED Talk

That year, she delivered a TED Talk entitled ‘How to stop screwing yourself over’, which centred on a self-help technique she termed “the five-second rule.”

It has since been viewed more than 30 million times on YouTube.

Robbins told Avenue last year it only came about after she found herself “at a rock bottom moment.”

“Fifteen years ago, my husband and I were $800,000 in debt and liens had hit the house,” she said.

“I had lost my job.”

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Robbins said she no plans to ‘become the number one female voice globally in personal development” when she took a call from “a friend of a friend.”

“She said a person she knew was putting together an event in San Francisco, and it’s a bunch of speakers, and they’re looking for somebody to come and talk about career change, and you have changed your job more than any human being that I know,” Robbins explained.

Robbins accepted because she was offered two plane tickets and two nights at a fancy hotel, and claimed she did not put much thought into her talk, which centred on the five-second rule.

Robbins told Avenue she started using the five-second rule to help with her anxiety.

”I was just trying to get out of bed and not let the anxiety consume me and get the kids to school and find another job and not pummel myself with self-criticism and shame,” she said.

One morning, instead of reaching for the snooze button, she started counting backwards.

“[I] went, ‘Five, four, three, two, one,’ and sprang out of bed,” she said.

“I used it in my personal life for three years and didn’t tell anybody. I didn’t know why it worked.”

She then started practicing the mantra before picking up the phone to try to get a job.

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The five-second rule

“There is a five-second window that defines your whole life, and it’s always present,” Robbins told Avenue.

“It is the moment of hesitation. It’s this moment where you have an idea, an impulse, or an instinct.”

She said when we hesitate, self-doubt, excuses, insecurities and reasoning take over when we will do one of two things: repeat our habitual patterns or no nothing.

“By the time five seconds have passed, you are now into the mode of what you always do, and your subconscious mind has taken over and, basically, you just got f—ed by old behaviour.”

Six years after her TED talk, she published her second book, The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage.

It became the top ranked non-fiction book on Audible and sixth most-purchased book on Amazon that year.

Forbes has since named it the most successful self-published audiobook by total downloads.

So, what is the ‘Let them’ theory?

In 2019, she became the host of the syndicated talk show The Mel Robbins Show, which ran for one season. In 2023, she started hosting The Mel Robbins Podcast.

In May that year, Robbins uploaded a video to Instagram in which she said, “I just heard about this thing called the Let Them theory,” she told her followers.

“I freaking love it.”

The Let Them Theory: The Life-Changing Hack That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About was released in December 2024 and became a New York Times Best Seller.

Its premise is simple: What if the key to happiness, success and love was as simple as two words?

“If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated with where you are, the problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you give to other people,'” a blurb for the book says.

“Two simple words – ‘Let Them’ – will set you free. Free from the opinions, drama and judgements of others. Free from the exhausting cycle of trying to manage everything and everyone around you.

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“The ‘Let Them Theory’ puts the power to create a life you love back in your hands – and this book will show you exactly how to do it.”

Robbins spoke to world-renowned experts in psychology, neuroscience, relationships and happiness, and referred to ancient wisdom when writing the book and places equal emphasis on the phrase ‘Let me’.

She argues ‘Let them’ will only work in conjunction with ‘Let Me,’ arguing the first phrase is not an excuse for inaction.

Detractors say Robbins is not a psychologist, and that the ‘Let them theory’ is nothing new. A poem by Cassie B Phillips, called Let Them, went viral in 2022, but Robbins has never credited the author.

When The Guardian raised this while seeking a comment from Robbins for an article earlier this year, she responded: “The Let Them Theory has its roots in Buddhism, stoicism, the Serenity Prayer, the legacy of Dr Martin Luther King Jr (his son gives a quote in the book about it) and therapeutic modalities like Detachment Theory and Radical Acceptance!

“I believe that’s why saying Let Them and Let Me is so powerful – it feels familiar to everyone because it is.”

Among Robbins’ many fans is Oprah Winfrey, who invited Robbins onto her own podcast to discuss the theory.

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‘More proactive and fulfilling life’

Last month, Robbins appeared on Today Extra, where she spoke to host David Campbell about the book, which she says “shows you immediately what’s not in your control and what’s in your control”.

“The way that you use it is super simple. If you ever feel frustrated or stressed out or annoyed or hurt or bothered or worried, just say the words ‘let them’,” she explained. 

“You’re going to notice that other people’s behaviours and opinions constantly stress you out.

“And when you say ‘let them’, you are detaching from the one thing in life you’ll never be able to control, which is other people.”

Robbins said the next step was to remind yourself there were only three things you could control: “What I think about this, what I do or don’t do, and what I do in response to my feelings.”

She said taking control of their emotions and responses, led to a “more proactive and fulfilling life.”

She also said following the book’s mantra frees up “your time and energy and focus to be able to show up for the people and things in your life that are for you.”

Husband and children

Robbins has been married to Christopher Robbins since 1996. They have three children, Sawyer, Kendall and Oakley.

Robbins revealed on Today Extra that she wrote The Let Them Theory book with the help of her 25-year-old daughter, Sawyer. 

“It healed our relationship [because] we learned to say ‘let them’,” she said. 

“When someone you love frustrates you, learning how to give them the space to be who they are and love them as they are, this actually brings you closer to people.”

Robbins lives in Vermont with her husband and son in a house her husband’s family built.

“There are days when I walk into our new house in Vermont and I just cry over how far we’ve come,” she once said on social media.

Robbins, 56, is a sought-after public speaker who is now in the midst of a sold-out ‘Let Them Tour’ and has a net worth of about AU$27 million.

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