Money and relationship advice: ‘My fiance has a stingy friend who never pays back’

Money Manners is 9honey Money’s weekly column that deals with money etiquette matters that can be the cause of many an awkward encounter.

Submit your Money Manners questions to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au

This week’s question comes via a 9honey reader who is facing a relationship dilemma.

Dilemma: My fiancé’s stingy mate is always claiming to be broke

My fiancé has a stingy mate who is always claiming to be “broke” when we go out as a group, so my fiancé always ends up shouting him a few beers, but he never pays him back!

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We also drive him to group events all the time and he never offers to chip in for fuel or parking fees.

It drives me up the wall seeing the way he mooches off my fiancé, but I know my fiancé will never call him out on it.

How do I convince my fiancé it’s time to talk to his friend about paying him back, or just cut him off financially?

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Advice: ‘You’re going to marry this man, so a chat is a good idea’

Lacey Filipich from Money School has some excellent advice for our 9honey reader who is clearly being impacted by their dilemma.

“We’ve all got one of these friends, right? The one who’ll take whatever you give with no thought to repaying you,” she says, adding that cultural expectations could also be at play.

“It might be that the ‘free-loader’ is just behaving the way they’ve been raised and don’t know it’s upsetting you.

“With all that in mind, you’re going to marry this man, so a chat is a good idea because one day his financial choices might affect more directly, too.

“You could start from a place of curiosity: Does your fiancé shout his mate out of habit, or because he feels awkward saying no or asking to be repaid, or because there’s something he knows about his friend’s situation you’re not privy to?

“You might find he shares your concerns, and you bringing it up could be just the nudge he needs to address it with his mate.

“Or, he might be avoiding the chat for fear of losing the friendship, an understandable concern.”

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She suggests the woman helps her fiancé “work out how to have that conversation might help”.

“Or you might find it doesn’t bother your fiancé in the slightest, in which case a pre-marital chat about limits around generosity that you can both live with is probably in order,” she adds.

Lacey Filipich from Money School has also shared her advice for women of all ages who are hoping to improve their financial futures. Read her advice here.

The information provided on this website is general in nature only and does not constitute personal financial advice. The information has been prepared without taking into account your personal objectives, financial situation or needs. Before acting on any information on this website you should consider the appropriateness of the information having regard to your objectives, financial situation and needs.

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