Money advice: ‘How can I host a more affordable birthday celebration for my partner without upsetting his rich friends?’

Money Manners is 9honey Money’s weekly column that deals with money etiquette matters that can be the cause of many an awkward encounter.

Submit your Money Manners questions to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au

This week’s question comes via a 9honey reader who is facing a potentially awkward situation.

Dilemma: ‘How can I host a more affordable birthday celebration for my partner without upsetting his friends?’

I am organising a birthday lunch for my new boyfriend, but I am not sure what I should pay for and what guests should pay for.

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Also, his friends have a lot more money than me, and when we have dinner with them we all pay for our own dinner and it is never less than at least $200 per couple, which my partner covers for me.

But when they do birthday lunches, they choose expensive places that I can’t afford.

I want to be able to afford to pay for myself and my boyfriend at his birthday lunch so I want it at a more affordable place, but they usually choose fancy places.

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I was also thinking of a nice pub where we all order individually and pay for what we ordered, because I think it is unfair that we split bills at expensive restaurants evenly when I don’t drink.

How can I do this without upsetting his friends?

Advice: ’As long as guests know what the plan is in advance, they can choose whether to come’

Lacey Filipich from Money School has some blunt advice, explaining some people “can be a bit blind to their impact on others when they’re choosing expensive places to celebrate”.

“Let all readers who like to split the bill equally regardless of who ordered what please take a moment to consider: Are you unfairly burdening one of your friends with costs they can’t really afford?” Filipich says.

Equality is treating everyone the same, whereas equity is giving everyone a fair go.

“I suggest you aim for equity over equality for fairness.”

She advises the man’s girlfriend “forewarned is best” when it comes to his friends.

“So long as the guests know what the plan is in advance, they can choose whether to come (or not – unlikely if they’re genuine friends) and you don’t end up with an awkward discussion spoiling your fun,” Filipich says.

“Since you’re organising, picking a cheaper place to eat is a brilliant idea (the pub sounds great!) and sending a short message to them all explaining the intent is for everyone to order and pay for their own meals and drinks please.

“You don’t have to explain why.

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“As a non-drinker, I relate to how you feel. When I was on a low income, I resented having to pay for someone else’s $50 bottles of wine when I drank one soda.

“Perhaps setting the ‘pay for your own meal/drinks’ expectation could be carried over to other events after this birthday lunch?”

Lacey Filipich from Money School has also shared her advice for women of all ages who are hoping to improve their financial futures. Read her advice here.

The information provided on this website is general in nature only and does not constitute personal financial advice. The information has been prepared without taking into account your personal objectives, financial situation or needs. Before acting on any information on this website you should consider the appropriateness of the information having regard to your objectives, financial situation and needs.

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