Autism spectrum disorder: Author and Australian mum Porscia Lam on adjusting to son’s diagnosis

These days, most people have heard of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Some of us even have a basic understanding of what it is.

For parents of children with autism, there is plenty of information at their disposal and experts ready to assist.

There’s just one problem: Not all autism is the same, and some forms come with added difficulties.

READ MORE: Aussie model marries in Sydney hospital to have mum at her side

Mum Porscia Lam’s son Harry was diagnosed with ASD in 2020, in the middle of lockdown. He was two-and-a-half at the time.

What made their situation more challenging was that they couldn’t get themselves in front of any of the paediatricians or therapists Harry and his family needed to help him.

“It was all kind of done via telehealth, which was really hard when you have a two-an-a-half year old kid who just wants to turn off the device,” Lam tells 9honey.

Harry would buck against the strategies being attempted to help him get through his day, and Lam describes the advice they were being given for him as a “scattergun approach.”

READ MORE: Prince’s shattering message reveals youngest son’s death

“None of the strategies were working,” she says.

“We were finding that his diagnosis wasn’t giving us a proper explanation.”

Lam began to wonder if there was something “sitting out there, apart from autism” that could explain what was happening.

“I just never realised that there was something going on. I just thought I was doing everything wrong,” she admits. 

WATCH: Talking Honey Parenting: Is it ever OK to judge another person’s parenting?

What wasn’t known during these early weeks and months was that not only did Harry have ASD, he also had a lesser-known co-occurring condition called Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA).

It wasn’t until the family was finally able to see a psychologist face-to-face that this was identified.

“I went home and Googled it, and it’s pretty terrifying when you first read about it because it says, ‘None of the usual strategies work, you’ve got the tip parenting on its head, use this low-demand approach’,” Lam recalls.

For a daily dose of 9honey, subscribe to our newsletter here.

“And so when we read it, we were like, ‘Oh my goodness, he’s got all those classic descriptions of PDA.’

“Even the bit where they say, ‘You will notice a language delay and then there’ll be this quick catch-up phase’, we absolutely had that.”

Lam has written a book based on her family’s unique experience with Harry. It’s called The Unlocking and chronicles the process they went through to help their son.

For example, Harry responded better to role-playing rather than doing things as himself. They were able to utilise his special interest, The Hulk, to make further progress.

“He would be The Hulk and I would pretend to be Superman or some other Avengers character,” Lam says.

This strategy was effective in getting Harry dressed, brushing his teeth… it could be exhausting, but it worked.

“It obviously is pretty mind-bending as a parent and especially as a parent to such a young child to need to adopt such convoluted mechanisms life,” she says.

‘It’s not fair’: Resurfaced note from nine-year-old exposes big money issue

“So it is partly a pandemic memoir, but the other part is our journey with therapy with Harry.

“And it’s not only about PDA, it is a journey that many autistic families will go through or will be able to relate to.”

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP HERE: Stay across all the latest in celebrity, lifestyle and opinion via our WhatsApp channel. No comments, no algorithm and nobody can see your private details.

Lam is hoping by sharing her family’s story, more therapists who work with autistic families learn about the unique strategies needed when it comes to PDA.

“When we mentioned PDA, a lot of his therapists gave us a pretty blank look,” she says.

“I feel like even in the last couple of years that we’ve been aware of PDA, that’s changed a bit.”

Daughter Tessa has also grown to understand her brother, although Lam does worry she and husband Harry will often take one each for separate activities, simply to get through.

“She is incredibly giving and forgiving for her brother when he behaves in a way that you would not expect her to put up with for most kids. But she’s able to accept that,” Lam says.

“Part of my story is that I hope it honours the journey of the siblings of autistic children.”

Porshia Lam is appearing at Autism Awareness Australia’s AUStism event on May 7. Find out more here.