Confidence coach: Ditch those dating nerves

First-date jitters constantly getting the better of you? You’re not alone. Regardless of how long you’ve been on the dating scene, meeting up with someone new is often a nerve-wracking experience. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be. When armed with these expert-approved mindset shifts and practical tips, you’re sure to arrive at your next date feeling calm, confident and ready to connect.

Shift the spotlight

Calming pre-date rituals like deep breathing, listening to your favourite tunes and reciting positive affirmations can help get your confidence soaring, as can flipping your perspective.

“The trick isn’t to eliminate nerves – it’s to reframe them,” tips dating coach Sera Bozza. “Your body can’t tell the difference between fear and excitement, so call it what it is: anticipation.”

If you find yourself spiralling, shift the focus from yourself to your date. “Instead of obsessing over whether they’ll like you, flip it to will you like them?” Bozza adds. To uncover the answer, ask open-ended questions and get your date talking about themselves. Not only will you get to know them better, Bozza says acting curious instead of performative can help shake off your anxiety.

And for an extra boost of confidence, ensure your breath is fresh with a quick swish of Listerine before you head out the door.

Dress for you, not them

There’s no denying that first impressions count, but wearing something you feel uncomfortable in is never a good idea. Instead, opt for outfits that reflect your personal style and match the occasion (maybe it’s a midi dress and cropped jacket, or your favourite pair of jeans and a cute knit).

“Wear what makes you feel like you, not what your group chat dared you to wear,” Bozza adds. “If you’re adjusting straps, second-guessing the shoes or overthinking how you look instead of how you feel, switch outfits before you leave the house.”

Start small

Whether you’ve been out of the game for a while, or you’re a total dating newbie, Bozza says to master the small stuff first. “Flirt with your barista or compliment someone’s dog. Rebuild your social muscle before diving into full-blown dates,” she explains. “Confidence isn’t inherited – it’s built, rep by rep.” If you’re not feeling particularly brave, Bozza also recommends building yourself a KPI list or “courage ladder”. Simply make a list of activities that range from “I could do this” to “I could never” and see how many you can tick off. Maybe you start by sending a cold DM, or maybe you take a risk and leave your number with the bill.

Plan an experience

All the best first dates have two things in common: they’re low in pressure but high in connection, so pick an activity or location that offers you something to do or experience together.

“Think a walk-and-talk with cocktails or gelato in hand, mini golf, market strolls or art shows,” Bozza suggests. “I always tell clients to keep a running list of events, places and experiences they’d love to try anyway. That way, every date serves a dual purpose.”

When it comes to first-date locations to avoid, Bozza says to steer clear of anywhere too loud, the cinema (zero chance of conversation there) or intense fine-dining restaurants.

Stand out on the apps

“If your profile sounds the same as 900 other people, rewrite it,” Bozza tips. “Your bio is prime real estate! It should spark curiosity and open a conversational loop.”

Share your recent interests, highlight your hobbies, upload photos that show you doing things you love and keep it positive. Once you’re happy with your profile, run it by a friend.

“We assume strangers will ‘get us’ more than our mates, but it’s the opposite,” Bozza says. “Ask a friend to start a conversation from your profile in under five seconds. If even they can’t find an entry point beyond ‘Hey,’ you’re not being generous enough with your details.”

Look for these red (and green) flags

While rudeness and aggression are obvious warning signs, Bozza notes that other red flags can be more subtle. These include things like your date talking at you, not with you; dismissing your opinions; leading every conversation back to themselves; speaking often and unkindly about their ex; or making you feel small.

As for the green flags? Bozza says that someone who is present, asks real questions, respects your pace and doesn’t play mind games might be worth getting to know more. “You should feel like you when you’re with them,” Bozza adds. “You’re not performing, you’re just being. There’s ease, curiosity and hopefully laughter, too.”

Listerine Total Care Zero Alcohol, Mild Taste gives you confidence with every swish by killing 99% of germs for a whole mouth clean.