Having it all: The question we need to stop asking women, and the unfair pressure it pus on us: Sylvia Jeffreys | Opinion

In case you haven’t already been helpfully reminded, Mother’s Day is fast approaching, which means it’s time to dig out Bill Granger’s ricotta pancake recipe and make your annual contribution to Peter Alexander. 

You should also brace for the predictable discussion that emerges at this time of the year around whether women can truly “have it all“? *eye roll*  

It’s a debate that pits women’s ambition in the workplace against their family responsibilities and expectations by using a vague and subjective holy grail of womanhood. 

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By asking if we can have it all, we set an undefined and unrealistic goal that sets us up for failure. I mean, who gets to decide what “it all” is?  

Some women want a kick-ass career. Some are driven by motherhood. Others are consumed by the endless pursuit of a good-fitting pair of jeans. The point is: we all have different markers for the life we want to live. 

“It’s funny how things like equal pay and cheaper childcare are rarely mentioned in the discussion”

And assuming most perceive “it all” to be a happy family, a successful career and good health, is it really possible to have all those things at maximum capacity? 

If that’s what we are supposed to be striving for, are we getting a dud deal if it looks more like a little bit of everything all at once? No wonder it feels like we’re not enough.

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It’s also important to ask: who is being asked this question? Men are rarely subjected to this kind of scrutiny.

A man who works long hours and rarely sees his children is considered ambitious. A woman in the same position can be judged as neglectful.

This double standard reinforces stereotypes and proves that “having it all” is actually code for “doing it all”.

It’s also funny how things like equal pay and cheaper childcare are rarely mentioned in the discussion. 

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Maybe, just maybe those elements would help women to realistically achieve something that even mildly resembles “it all”.  

So this Mother’s Day, let’s focus on setting our own gauge for what is “enough” in our own lives. 

Because asking a woman whether it’s possible to have it all is as useful as a pair of stilettos at an outdoor wedding; it looks good from the outside, but leaves you with nothing but a sinking feeling.

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