‘I’ll take my burnt toast in bed, but let’s face it – Mother’s Day is a farce’

OPINION: Handmade cards, a ‘Number 1 Mum’ mug, candles, flowers, and chocolates.

It’s safe to say that most mums out there have received at least one (if not all) of these gifts for Mother’s Day.

Truth be told, I cherish the handmade cards with personalised messages and drawings from my daughters, along with breakfast in bed (even if it included some burnt toast in the early days). They are two of my favourite elements of the day.

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But after the toast is finished, the gifts unwrapped and my cards are read, like most mums, it’s back to business – taking kids to sports, washing, taxiing, nappy changing – because, let’s face it, there’s never a day off from being a mum.

While in theory, Mother’s Day is meant to be a day about mums, to honour and celebrate them, it’s instead quite often (for the most part, at least), in the best-case scenario, a normal day of parenting or, worst scenario, even more work than normal.

And this, my fellow mums, is one of the many true and deeply ingrained ironies of Mother’s Day, what makes it, dare I say it? A bit of a farce.

Of course, not every mother wants a day off from parenting responsibilities; some truly enjoy spending the day attending sports games and ticking off their to-do list, but others would love nothing more than a few hours of me time, especially on a day that is meant to honour them and all they do.

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Take single parents, partners of FIFO workers and other mothers who are always on duty, often with limited or no support from anyone else.

What better gift could they have than having some ‘me’ time? Heck, even many mums with support wouldn’t pass it up (me for one).

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Except that they can’t, we can’t and, even if we did, we’d probably soon feel inherent mum guilt about it – that frustrating, unfair expectation that Mother’s Day should be about spending time with your kids and being without them on the day isn’t ‘right’, isn’t ‘natural.’

Instead, with often only a brief interlude where a meal is eaten, or a gift given, the day chugs on as normal, making the occasion seem a bit redundant, a token acknowledgment, the ticking of a box.

It’s not just this aspect that makes Mother’s Day feel a little hollow, though; it’s far more ingrained than that.

While the occasion may allude to celebrating us, it also celebrates our own mothers and often mothers-in-law, meaning we are putting others first (again) and ourselves last.

In an article from Parents, this issue was raised, with one reader commenting: “Active duty! When my girls were growing up I had to make sure we celebrated BOTH my own mother and my mother-in-law. Needless to say I didn’t get celebrated. This is the case with a lot of women.”

But perhaps most infuriating, telling, and ironic of the Mother’s Day disconnect is the work undertaken in the lead-up to the day.

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I’m referring to the Mother’s Day stalls and celebrations at schools and sporting clubs that are often organised, run, and initially conceived by… You got it, mums.

Not only does this make a special day meant to celebrate them feel less special, but it also creates more work than usual.

And single parents can often find it even more challenging.

One of my single-parent friends told me that not only is Mother’s Day like any other day, but that if she wants to celebrate with a gift, it involves her having to buy her own, or give her kids money to buy one for her (and then take them to get it).

Even handmade gifts and cards require her to remind them that Mother’s Day is approaching, which she says makes her feel entitled and selfish (not two words often associated with celebrating Mother’s Day).

While more work is definitely not on most mums Mother’s Day wish lists, what is, is thoughtfulness, effort and quality time (either with the family, or mum having some ‘me time’).

A recent study by VistaPrint revealed that 3-in-5 (59 per cent) Australian mums say the perfect gift is often a heartfelt “thank you” or a thoughtful gesture, with almost half (47 per cent) of mums preferring quality time with their loved ones, while 1-in-10 (12 per cent) simply want to feel recognised and appreciated – something I think all mums can relate to.

So, when you’re planning to celebrate your mum, or helping your kids celebrate their mum this Sunday, remember, it’s the thought and effort that can really make her day and turn Mother’s Day into something she truly appreciates.

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