Melinda French Gates candidly reflects on motherhood in new memoir and how she learned to let go of ‘perfectionism’

Melinda French Gates has spoken about letting go of “perfectionism” after becoming a mother in 1996.

The billionaire philanthropist shared her thoughts in her upcoming memoir The Next Day, an excerpt from which has been published in TIME.

She spoke about discovering what it meant to be a “good enough” parent.

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Melinda, 60, shares three children with her former husband, Microsoft founder Bill Gates – Jennifer, 28, Rory, 25, and Phoebe, 22.

Melinda French Gates and Bill Gates divorced in 2021 after 27 years of marriage.

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She said she found peace by learning to be a “good enough” parent.

“When it comes to taking care of your family — some of the most important work you’ll do in this world — I hope you’ll refuse to let perfectionism rob family life of precious joy,” she wrote.

“Allow yourself, too, to feel the ease of letting go.”

Preorder your copy of The Next Day here.

Melinda reflected on her thoughts on parenting before her book release on Instagram on March 28, alongside several photos of her early years as a mother.

“Not long after Jenn, my oldest, was born, I started hearing this voice that shrieked, ‘Are you doing enough for this baby?’ Three years later, her brother, Rory, arrived, and then, three years after that came Phoebe. The voice just got louder. ‘Are you doing enough for your children? Are you doing ENOUGH?” she wrote.

“I heard it when I was a stay-at-home mum whose life revolved around the kids,” she continued.

“And you can bet it got even louder and more intense after we started our foundation, and I suddenly had a lot of new responsibilities outside the family. I obsessed over the ways I was falling short of being a perfect mum.”

Melinda said she became “obsessed over what I could be doing better”.

“But somehow, I didn’t realise that obsessing over myself like that was actually taking time and energy away from the very kids I was trying to be there for,” she continued.

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“Thank goodness I discovered the concept of a ‘good enough’ parent. The parenting experts describe a good enough parent as one who cares for their child and tends to their needs without expecting perfection from either themselves or the child,” she shared.

“Instead of trying to give their kids everything, they try to help their kids gain the tools they’ll need to navigate the world on their own. This was a much better thing to strive for.”

Melinda said when she stopped trying to be a perfect mother she “actually became a much better one”.

Melinda and Bill Gates are now grandparents, with Jennifer welcoming two children with her husband Nayel Nasser – Leila, two, and Mia, five months.

She wrote about the joy of becoming a grandmother at 58.

“During this season, I’ve seen my life change in ways I hoped for, ways I fought against, and ways I never could have imagined,” she wrote.

“At 58, much earlier in life than I expected, I became a grandmother.”

Melinda French Gates’ new memoir The Next Day is out on April 15.

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