Money advice: How to split bills with your partner when you earn different amounts

Money Manners is 9honey Money’s weekly column that deals with money etiquette matters that can be the cause of many an awkward encounter. Submit your Money Manners questions to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au

This week’s question comes from Reddit and raises an interesting issue when it comes to couple’s splitting costs when first moving in together.

Dilemma: ”I don’t want to split bills 50/50 anymore’

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years. From the beginning, we agreed to split everything 50/50 – rent, groceries, dates, etc. I thought that was fair, even though I make significantly more than she does (I’m in tech, she’s a teacher).

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Lately, I’ve started to feel weird about it. I cover some extras here and there (like holidays or bigger gifts), but the basic stuff is always split down the middle.

The thing is, she’s clearly struggling financially, and I know she’s been dipping into her savings just to keep up.

I brought it up and said I don’t think we should do this strict 50/50 anymore, maybe something more proportional to income. Her reaction was not great. She said she doesn’t want to feel “kept” or “less independent”, and that she wants to be treated as an equal.

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I get that, but isn’t real equality also being realistic with our situations? I don’t think I’m being manipulative or trying to control her, I just don’t think someone should go broke to maintain a split that only works on paper.

Is it OK to want to change the dynamic even though she didn’t ask me to?

Advice: ‘I love that the partner earning more is bringing this up’

Lacey Filipich from Money School has a lot of thoughts about this one, and praises the higher-earning partner for wanting to correct this.

“Equality is treating everyone the same, whereas equity is giving everyone a fair go,” she explains.

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“Equity tends to be a kinder and more sustainable goal in relationships especially, and that means splitting costs proportional to income tends to be fairer.

“I love that the partner earning more is the one bringing this up, by the way.

“Too often it’s left to the partner earning less to start the discussion, which can feel really awkward.”

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Filipich says if someone is in a relationship where one partner earns significantly more than the other you may consider “a proportional cost split rather than down the middle, 50/50 style”.

“That said, there are no rules,” she says.

“If one partner isn’t comfortable with that approach, it’s perfectly fine to choose not to change.

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“Just make sure both partners are genuinely happy with whatever compromise you strike. And for goodness’ sake, if you’re the partner earning more, please be the one to broach the topic and make the offer first.”

Lacey Filipich from Money School has also shared her advice for women of all ages who are hoping to improve their financial futures. Read her advice here.

The information provided on this website is general in nature only and does not constitute personal financial advice. The information has been prepared without taking into account your personal objectives, financial situation or needs. Before acting on any information on this website you should consider the appropriateness of the information having regard to your objectives, financial situation and needs.

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