Saman Shad’s The Sex Lives of Married Women: Interview with the author about perception of sex in modern society

At the launch of Aussie author Saman Shad‘s second novel, the bookstore employee incorrectly announced the title of her new work as “The Lives of Married Women”, conveniently ignoring the barely-scribbled-out three-letter-word that came second in the title.

But not to worry, as the audience was there to correct him, loudly yelling out together, “Sex!”

Watch the video above

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This was perhaps the most fitting example of our society’s attitude to the controversial word, and a dynamic Saman set out to explore in her new book, The Sex Lives of Married Women – though probably not in the way you would think.

You see, despite the title of her newest work, the author and journalist never set out to write a book about sex.

The first scene she thought of, in fact, was that of a man trying to break up with a woman as she refused to give up their relationship.

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“That scene came to me first, and I was always just like, ‘Why? Why would someone do that?’ And then that’s kind of like the story built around it,” she told 9honey.

“This book is really about friendships and intimacy, and how relationships sort of manifest and continue when you’ve been with your partner for a long period of time.”

In this novel, it’s explored through the lives of three protagonists – Meena, Rani, and Sophie.

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Meena is struggling to turn the embers of her sex life with her husband Owen into a flame, while Rani is a first-generation immigrant in Sydney trying to build a new life while dealing with the ghosts of her past. Sophie ties the gang together as their American friend toying with the ramifications of her husband’s huge decision and its impact on her life.

The three Sydney women couldn’t be more different, but unite through talking about their relationships and the sex (or lack thereof) that comes with it.

Along the way, their friendships, marriages, and family bonds are tested through wildly varying ways, making the book a nuanced account of modern life.

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But many can’t get past the first page, with the controversial title creating a provocative reaction.

Throughout promotions of her second novel and even in the acknowledgements of the book, the mother of three has explicitly stated on numerous occasions that the fiction work is not based on her own life. But that hasn’t waned interest.

Saman, also author of The Matchmaker, recalls many people called her “brave” for delving into the topic, especially since she comes from a Pakistani Muslim background where sex is taboo to speak about publicly.

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But she has found that regardless of background, “If you’re writing about sex, especially from a cultural standpoint, you’re going to be judged.

“I think the big thing that happens as you grow older, as I found, is [you] stop caring as much. I can’t think about being the best person or the version of me that you want me to be. I can only really be the best version for myself and for my children, for my family, and being authentic to myself.

“And that, for me, meant writing about the things that I feel need to be discussed, that I feel like need to start those conversations.

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“I am writing about my community and my culture, but I’m writing about a whole bunch of other things that have nothing to do with me personally.

“I not only want this to be a better place for me, but also all the generations coming up. I’m hoping that this means that we can be more true and honest about these conversations that we’re having.”

Despite her 20 years of writing experience, Saman says she still finds herself fielding more questions about her culture than her craft.

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“As I continue with my career as a novelist, I hope I’m able to write about all kinds of different stories, which I hope people don’t necessarily link to my own life,” she says, adding that, “until there’s many of us, maybe that won’t change.”

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