Stephanie Trethewey on considering a third child and missing the early years of motherhood | Opinion

Anyone who knows me knows that for the past four years since giving birth to our second baby, I have been a proud ‘two and done’ mum.

Having two under two just about broke me.

Doing it while living in rural Tasmania with my husband running multiple farms and businesses with no family support or village pushed us both to the brink.

I struggled with depression after both my kids. The isolation was debilitating and I felt like I was failing.

READ MORE: ‘Ow’: Star screams in pain and reveals Met Gala move that ended in disaster

But about 12 months ago, I hit my parenting sweet spot. Everything got a little easier. No more nappies. Less tantrums. More independence for them, and for us.

I would openly make comments such as, “You couldn’t pay me to have another baby.” And I meant it. At the time.

I know my mental limits when it comes to motherhood and I’m at capacity.

I lost a baby between having my son and daughter, so I know falling pregnant doesn’t always result in a healthy child.

I’m also acutely aware of just how difficult motherhood can be when you don’t have a support system and village available to you.

READ MORE: Harry ‘very aware’ of the ‘consequences of doing interviews’

That’s why I was shocked when earlier this year, my estrogen and ovaries suddenly started pumping again.

For the first time in four years I felt REALLY clucky, and I mean ‘put a baby in me’-type clucky.

I blame my husband. I thought he’d closed that door for good, but a casual comment over dinner one night when he suggested that “who knows, we could have a third” got things inside me firing back up.

For months I have obsessed over having a third child. There is a deep primal yearning for it.

I want to give birth again. I want to breastfeed one more time. I want a do-over where I can take all my mistakes and lessons from the past six years as a mum and funnel it into another child.

READ MORE: Supermarket chocolate change that left customers looking twice

Perhaps that’s selfish, as it’s more about healing me than it is about raising another human.

But the truth is, I know I’m just grieving. It’s a deep, cruel and relentless grief that will continue as my son and daughter grow.

I’m grieving the newborn months I feel robbed of. They were a blur and I was a mess. I’m grieving my kids every day as they grow up far too quickly in front of my eyes.

But I know that no matter how many kids I have, there will always be a last one.

For a daily dose of 9honey, subscribe to our newsletter here.

Over the past few years when I’ve heard people say, “The days are long but the years are short” or, “Enjoy every moment, they’re only little once”, I seriously wanted to punch those people in the face.

But those comments don’t irk me anymore. I try to live by them now.

While I certainly don’t enjoy every single moment, I’m enjoying so many more than I used to. I’m in a very strong space mentally, and physically. I’m happy. Life is good.

Last week when my husband was away, for the first time in years, my little girl slept next to me in our bed and the next night her brother did. It was beautiful. I traced their little faces in awe, knowing these are the good old days I’ll look back on and yearn for in years to come.

Contemplating having a third baby has made me realise how much I want to and need to cherish the two that I already have.

IN PICTURES: Every incredible outfit change for the 2025 Met Gala after parties

Deep down, I know another baby is not right for us. What feels right is to funnel all our love and energy into the two beautiful kids we’re already lucky to have and that includes doing things as a family that we couldn’t manage emotionally or financially if we had another baby.

So naturally, we bought a puppy. And we’ve just booked a trip to Europe.

Husband, you can relax. My cluckiness is cured.

For now.

Stephanie is the Founder and CEO of Motherland, a national charity that supports rural mums across Australia. Tune into her weekly podcast which shares real, raw and unbelievable stories of motherhood, told by women on land: motherlandaustralia.com.au/the-podcast/

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP HERE: Stay across all the latest in celebrity, lifestyle and opinion via our WhatsApp channel. No comments, no algorithm and nobody can see your private details.