What it’s really like to date a younger guy: The Love Diaries

I’d been seeing Sam on-and-off for quite a few months.

He was older than me – significantly older than me – and after a string of bad relationships, I figured an older man would behave more like an adult and have his stuff sorted out.

I was wrong. Extremely wrong.

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Sam had separated from his wife a year earlier – they had five children together – and while he might have behaved like an adult in the sense his career was sorted, he paid his bills on time, always wore clean shoes and knew the right wine to pick at dinner, he certainly didn’t have maturity in other areas of his life.

A fact I discovered when I found out that the entire time we’d been dating, he’d had another girlfriend who thought they were in a loving, exclusive relationship.

So, flash forward to a few months later – when a friend convinced me to celebrate my 36th birthday by drinking wine in the sun on Waiheke with her (a very hard prospect to say no to).

At our second or third winery of the day, a group of young Americans asked if they could sit at the seats we weren’t using and before long we were all deep into conversation.

One of them – the youngest-looking in the group – had sat himself on the couch next to me.

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His name was Cam and we chatted about everything, from our families to our work (he was working on a superyacht that was parked up in Auckland) to our dreams.

It was a bizarre conversation in which I was probably a lot more open in because, although this young man was handsome, I wasn’t thinking of it being anything romantic because, well, he wasn’t going to be in New Zealand for long and, he must have only been in his mid-twenties.

So, it came as a bit of a surprise when as we were laughing, he put his hand on my thigh and left it there.

He was charismatic and had that kind of charm that only someone raised by a strong woman in the south of America can really pull off. He called me ma’am, opened doors for me and stood up anytime I did. He had just turned 24, I was 36, but I was interested.

For the next week, he’d text me and call me with different places he wanted to eat or see in Auckland.

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He snuck me onto the boat for swims, we went dancing – it all felt a rom-com. He’d tell me repeatedly what he liked most about me, tell me how kind I was or thoughtful and why I deserved to have good things happen to me.

We were so open and honest in our communicating – we knew the other wasn’t about to move to another country.

He stayed at my house whenever he could and would always clean up, bring food and wake me up with a coffee in the morning.

I made him an itinerary for a trip to the South Island and he sent pictures and called every morning and night.

I couldn’t believe I was dating a younger guy and it was more honest and mature than my experiences with people my age and older. It went against all the ideas I had about this kind of relationship.

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It was amazing and perfect and exactly what I needed in that stage of my life.

While having an older boyfriend only made me further question myself and my worth, surprisingly the opposite was true of having a younger boyfriend.

Sam and Cam couldn’t have been more different, despite their creepily similar names. Cam reminded me of my worth and how I deserved to be treated by a partner – I’d never had someone treat me the way he did.

He wavered the last day and started talking about how we might be able to have a relationship, but, we both knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. So we said goodbye.

Weirdly, rather than feeling sad I felt better than I had in years. Dating a younger guy for a while turned out to be a fresh new start.

And the next week, I met my husband – the kindest, most thoughtful, caring and supportive person I know.

I can’t help but wonder if I’d have found him if I hadn’t have that short relationship with my younger friend beforehand.

‘It felt like an episode of Sex and the City‘

I had just turned 35 and had been single for two years. My dream of one day being a mother felt as if it was going to pass me by.

I felt I had two choices: quickly find a man, any man to be the father of my children, or go the opposite way and just have fun and not hold on to my dream so tightly anymore.

Maybe the less I obsessed about it, the more it would be likely to happen. I went with the latter.

I started saying yes to things I didn’t really feel like doing. I went with a single friend to a new bar opening.

When we first walked in I straight away saw the bartender – it was hard not to see him, he was tall and hot… and he was looking at me.

There was a weird kind of sizzle between us and I surprised myself by mouthing ‘hi’ to him. He did a little nod and mouthed ‘hello’.

I played it a bit coy but eventually went up for a drink – he put my wine on a napkin and pushed it to me. His phone number was on it.

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The next day I texted him and we messaged back and forth until we agreed to meet up one evening he wasn’t working.

I knew he was young, but then I discovered he was 23. I figured, ‘What the hell’. We slept together the first night and although he was ridiculously hot, I found the whole thing a bit underwhelming.

He was so energetic. And, he tried to choke me, as if it was a totally normal thing to do the first time you have sex with someone. Maybe dating a younger guy wasn’t such a good idea.

We dated for a few more weeks though, but I was getting over it. I had to meet him at ridiculous hours of the night.

I dated a guy my age and that didn’t work out. Then a friend set me up with a guy she knew who was only 27.

He was gorgeous and we had such a good time together. But, he acted quite differently around his friends. They were always wanting to go to bars. His flat was a mess. His flatmates were young. I felt like I was going backwards.

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I swore off younger men and went back on the apps and put my age range closely around mine. I went on bad dates.

And then a guy started at my work. He was 28. I was 37. In the space of two months we fell in love.

He ended up quitting and going to a different workplace after three months on the job. We got married last year and I’m seven months pregnant.

He’s absolutely perfect. He’s a homebody, he loves to read like me, he’s very close with his family, he loves mushrooms, he loves cleaning, he loves llamas. It feels meant to be.

He has older parents and two siblings who are 10 years older than him and most of his friends are older.

He was engaged at 23 and had a baby, but they never married and split when he was 26. He’s a great father.

In the end, dating a younger guy has definitely worked out for me.

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